Our Journey Has Come to an End

Torrey passed on peacefully July 4th, at 4:10am.
As our country celebrated the anniversary of our independence, Torrey too was freed of his pain and suffering.

Since my last post, Torrey had taken a turn for the worse.
As of Thursday, he had required a dose of pain medicine every hour in order keep him comfortable and calm.

For the first time in over 5 weeks, his lab results revealed that his kidney and liver functions were worse than when he was admitted.
His heart, though, was still very strong, and it was our intention to allow visitors to see him starting Friday, in order to say final goodbyes. We had decided to start him on a continuous morphine drip on Friday, knowing that he would likely never wake up again.

Unfortunately we never got that chance.

After staying with him until nearly midnight on Thursday, we had left the hospital with Torrey comfortably resting. I had said my final goodbyes to him, before leaving, knowing that the toxins were building up in his body and that this would be the last time he would be mentally alert.
In my goodbye, I promised Torrey that Thalia would always know who her daddy was, and that she would always know what a great man he was. I told him we would never forget what he meant to us as a family. I told him I was sorry that we couldn't do more to save him, that I was sorry he had suffered, and how important he was to me.
I told him about the hundreds of people who were praying for him, and I told him that flights of angels would take him to his rest.

It was pointed out to me by a close friend that Torrey probably took this as permission to let go and be at peace. I wholeheartedly agree.

At 3:50am Friday morning, the nurse called saying that Torrey's blood pressure and heart rate were going down, and they thought it was only a matter of hours before he would pass.

As my father and I were en route to the hospital, I received a call on my cell phone that Torrey had passed already.

It is difficult to put into words how utterly devastated we all feel.

The person who seems to be handling this the best is Thalia.
She had spent the night at my parents house Thursday night, and was awake in bed when we arrived back at the house. I had told my Mom that I needed to be the one who broke the news to her.

So, I got in bed with her and explained to her what had happened. She sat there for a few minutes sucking her thumb and thinking. She had no questions, and asked if we could color.
At first I thought that perhaps she simply didn't understand the finality of all this, but throughout the last 24 hours, she has made several comments that make me feel that she understands much more than I give her credit for.

Having to tell Thalia her dad has died and gone to heaven has been the thing that has given me the most anxiety through this whole process. I was expecting lightning to strike the moment I told her. I was expecting a meltdown, crying, screaming, and devastation.
Instead, I got a little angel who wiped away my tears and forced me to look on the bright side.

I know that all of you are aching with us right now. And I know that all of you still have us in your prayers and your thoughts.

Your support and love through all of this had been monumental, and I am still in awe of how lucky we are to have you in our lives.
I can't put into words how much you have meant through this whole process.
If we can take anything positive out of this experience, it is the faith that your friends and family will be there along with God in your darkest of times. It is also a reaffirmation of what a wonderful person Torrey was, and the impact he had on those who knew him.

I was so lucky to have him as my husband, and I am so grateful that he left me with an angel for a daughter.

In the coming days, I will be leaving information on his memorial service on this blog.
The service will likely take place at Mount Vernon Mortuary, with a reception TBD.
We will also be holding a viewing for those who may not be able to attend the memorial.
Dates and times will be posted here soon.

For anyone who would like to say a few words at his memorial service, please contact me at monicabuell@comcast.net.

We are also asking for any pictures that you might have of Torrey that you can send me via CD or email (at the above address).

Our home address is 3379 Marquam Way; Rancho Cordova, CA 95670.

Love to all,
Monica